Why "Just Try Harder" Doesn't Work: The Hidden Burnout of Masking ADHD at Work

Masking ADHD at work, while seemingly a strategy for fitting in, often leads to significant mental and emotional burnout. It involves consciously or unconsciously suppressing neurodivergent traits to conform to neurotypical expectations, demanding immense cognitive effort and leaving individuals feeling exhausted, misunderstood, and disconnected from their authentic selves. Recognizing and reducing masking is crucial for sustainable well-being and productivity.

Ever feel like you’re constantly running a marathon, but on the outside, you’re just… sitting at your desk? Like your brain is doing Olympic-level gymnastics to keep up with what feels like basic tasks for everyone else? Yeah, I know that feeling. For years, my workday felt less like a job and more like an elaborate performance, a continuous high-wire act where the only goal was to appear "normal." And let me tell you, the applause I never received certainly didn't make up for the exhaustion that followed.

What is ADHD Masking, anyway, and why does it feel so draining?

ADHD masking is the often-unconscious strategy we use to hide or suppress our neurodivergent traits to fit into neurotypical environments, especially in professional settings. It's like having a script you constantly follow, even when your internal monologue is screaming improvisation. This can look like meticulously planning every word before a meeting to avoid interrupting, forcing eye contact even when it feels overwhelming, or pretending to be deeply focused on a task when your brain is actually doing a whirlwind tour of every thought imaginable.

The drain comes from the sheer cognitive load. Imagine constantly monitoring your own behavior, filtering your impulses, and translating your unique way of thinking into a language others understand – all day, every day. It’s an unsustainable effort. For me, it often manifested as "after-work paralysis." I'd get home, collapse on the couch, and just… stare. My brain, having spent eight hours on high alert, had absolutely nothing left for dinner, chores, or even enjoying a show. It felt like I'd used up my entire daily quota of executive function just to appear competent. The emotional toll was immense; I’d feel like an imposter, constantly afraid of being "found out."

How does trying to hide ADHD impact our work and well-being?

Trying to hide ADHD at work can have a profound impact, often leading to a vicious cycle of stress, underperformance, and burnout. When you're constantly diverting mental energy to mask, you have less available for actual work tasks, problem-solving, or creative thinking. This can lead to missed deadlines, errors, or a perceived lack of engagement, even when you're working twice as hard internally.

Beyond the immediate work output, the cumulative effect on well-being is significant. Chronic masking can lead to anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of loneliness. You're presenting a version of yourself that isn't authentic, making genuine connection difficult. I remember one job where I was so focused on appearing organized and on top of things that I never asked for help, even when I was drowning. I'd spend hours after work trying to catch up, fueled by sheer panic. My colleagues probably thought I was just a quiet, diligent worker, while inside, I was a chaotic mess, constantly on the verge of tears. This intense internal pressure eventually led to a full-blown burnout episode, where even the thought of opening my laptop would trigger a panic attack. It wasn't sustainable, and it certainly wasn't healthy.

Can we unmask at work without jeopardizing our careers?

Unmasking at work is a journey, not a destination, and it requires thoughtful, strategic steps rather than a sudden revelation. The goal isn't necessarily to completely abandon all social conventions, but rather to reduce the effort spent on masking and create an environment where your authentic self can thrive.

One crucial first step is self-awareness: identifying when and how you mask. Is it the forced eye contact? The over-apologizing? The excessive note-taking to prove you're listening? Once you know your patterns, you can start to gently challenge them. Maybe you allow yourself to fidget discreetly in a meeting, or you try a shorter, more direct communication style instead of over-explaining.

Another powerful strategy is finding allies. Identifying one or two trusted colleagues or a manager who seems open-minded can be incredibly freeing. You don't have to disclose your diagnosis immediately, but you can start by being slightly more transparent about your working style. For instance, instead of saying "I'll get that done ASAP," you might say, "I work best with clear deadlines and prefer to tackle one big task at a time. Can we break this down?" This subtly communicates your needs without explicitly stating ADHD. Over time, as trust builds, you might choose to share more. I once had a manager who, unbeknownst to me at the time, also had ADHD. When I finally felt brave enough to mention my struggles with focus, she didn't bat an eye. Instead, she shared her own strategies and we bonded over our shared experiences, creating a much more supportive and productive dynamic. It wasn't about being "cured" of ADHD, but about finding ways to work with my brain, not against it. It's a continuous process of self-advocacy and setting boundaries, gradually reclaiming your energy and allowing your unique strengths to shine through.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: Is masking ADHD always a bad thing?

A1: Not inherently. Some level of social adaptation is natural. However, when masking becomes chronic, exhausting, and leads to a disconnect from your authentic self, it becomes detrimental to mental health and well-being. The key is reducing the effort and frequency of masking.

Q2: How can I tell if I'm masking at work?

A2: Common signs include feeling utterly exhausted after work, constantly monitoring your own behavior, experiencing imposter syndrome, feeling emotionally drained, or finding yourself unable to relax and "be yourself" in professional settings.

Q3: What are some small ways to start unmasking at work?

A3: Start small. Allow yourself to fidget subtly, ask for clarification when you need it, communicate your preferred working style (e.g., "I focus best with clear deadlines"), or take micro-breaks when you feel overwhelmed. Focus on reducing the mental effort rather than completely changing your behavior.

TL;DR

✅ Masking ADHD at work is exhausting because it requires constant cognitive effort to suppress traits and conform.

🧠 This constant performance leads to emotional burnout, imposter syndrome, and a deep sense of disconnect.

📌 Start unmasking by recognizing your patterns, finding trusted allies, and gently advocating for your needs to create a more authentic and sustainable work life.

As someone who has navigated the professional world with undiagnosed and later diagnosed ADHD for over 20 years, and spent the last 5 years researching and creating content for the neurodivergent community, I've seen firsthand the toll that masking takes. This isn't just theory; it's lived experience, both my own and countless others I've connected with. My insights come from sifting through academic research, personal narratives, and practical strategies, all aimed at fostering a more compassionate and understanding approach to neurodiversity in the workplace.

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